I just woke up from a weird dream and wanted to keep the memory. Before I start, I haven’t heard from her in almost 2 months except for her saying one time to give her time. So this next bit is completely out of nowhere.

I don’t have a reason why but I didn’t question it either. Her kids came to stay with me for a week before school started and I absolutely loved every minute of it. The girl is a huge book worm and loves to read so day 1 we went to the library and she picked out a stack of books that I’d never heard of but we got them and her brother picked out one about monkeys and one about tigers. On the drive home the girl discovered my noise canceling range headphones in the back seat of my car and said her mom had some just like them(they were actually mine that I left there and got a new set so we could have a matching set). I said that’s cool. So for the rest of the week she wore them always. Her brother wanted some headphones too so I gave him my gaming headset and he used it on his Nintendo DS but it has a super long cord and he got it caught a handful of times and clotheslined himself once which was super funny. The week flew by with going to parks and RC cars in the back yard and playing a game called “Will it float?” Which resulted in a lot of Lego in my pool, swimming, watching movies at home before bed and a whole lot of videogames or YouTube of other people playing videogames. They had their own room but a few nights they slept in mine which meant the world to me. They lived off pizza, mac&cheese, gogurt, fries and rice. I made every effort to just be normal and not think about them leaving soon but the time came where the boy told me his mom was on her way to get them and she’d be there soon. I told them I needed to talk to them. Well I told the boy and had to motion to the girl to take her headphones off. I told them I love them both very much and I miss them every day they aren’t around and I’m sorry I can’t be there with them but they can always call or text me if they ask their mom first. They both just sat there looking at me like I was crazy. Then the daughter just says “why?” I tried to talk about that because their mom and I weren’t together that meant I wouldn’t be their dad and her son just looked down the rest of the time. I reminded them both I will always be here for them and I want updates from them all the time. Then headlights flashed by the window and we all knew that meant mom was here, they gave me a big hug and I woke up.

God Dammit.

I had a blip of a perfect dream. I was out on a family walk and my wife(in the dream) found some super fluffy flower and wanted to put it in our sons hair but he flipped out and ran off super fast and was staying out of grab range while wiggling and giggling. So I took out my wallet and thumbed through and took out a ฿3 bill(3 baht bill is not actually a thing)which was very colorful and waved it at him. He ran over and took it and stood there looking at calling it cool while his mom turned his buzz cut into a fluffy white poof. I’m sitting on the ground watching the hairstyle evolve, arms behind me. Then she gave him a hug and they flopped to their side and it turned into nap time. Her daughter is laying on her back doodling on the sky with her finger in the air and looks at me and says her mom is putting her on birth control because it will help her monthly girl pains. I look at her and ask this 11 year old… Is that the only reason? You know if there’s anything else going on you can talk to us. She says she knows and awkwardly looks around and we avoid eye contact. Then I look over at her mom who’s on her side napping with her son in her arms as his legs are wiggling as he’s staring ahead but he’s enjoying the cuddle and the ฿3 bill still in his hand while he slowly turned it back and forth as the sun made the glossy bill sparkle.

Today I was at my aunt and uncle’s house for dinner. A brief background on my uncle is he’s a man’s man. He knows how to fix everything, enjoys all cars and guns. He watches war movies and eats red meat. He has a good sized collection of guns because he enjoys modifying them and going to the range. I’ve never owned a gun until recently because I never wanted to. Everyone else already had plenty to go around. After several lost family members he’s been thinking about what happens to stuff when he’s gone and asked me if I like guns. I told him I like going to the range with him. So to get a little closer with him I bought a Taurus 45 because every man in my family has had a 45. Fast forward to today… Today we are talking at the table and he remembered he found something while cleaning and thought I’d like it. It was a 7 round magazine from a Colt 45. It fit perfectly, no sizing issues or weird angles. My uncle said he was glad it fit and I could use it because Chris(my deceased cousin) got it a long time ago and it never fit any of my uncles gun. It looks great in there with no big base sticking out. I got excited and bought 4 more on eBay of the same style but the original will always be my cousins that I’m borrowing it.

Sunday drivers

I know I get road rage but I guess my truck has a stupid magnet..

Infinity sedan in front of me pulls forward when light turns green then stops. I go around and they cut to the right and hop on the curb.

Not even a block later a black BMW sedan with flashers on is pulling slowly around the roundabout and last second cuts hard to take the bridge on ramp and then coasts up the ramp with his phone in hand. Light turns green and he doesn’t go. I use my buzzer, he pulls forward 10 feet then gets out to take a photo from the bridge but isn’t puuled forward enough to let people between him and the barrier. So I hold the buzzer and a cop shows up and the guy tries to laugh it off, he just wanted to get a picture. So the coo has him pull forward to give him a ticket and let me pass.

Exiting the bridge fire trucks are coming. Traffic doesn’t care. Fire truck screeches to a stop and a second, they had to wait for a green for people to move. I’m watching from across the intersection, so much shade was thrown at them…

I follow the fire trucks from a safe distance and they get stuck at 2 more lights….

Fire trucks are going to a church but people are still driving up like nothing is going on.

I pass the church and go back towards where I was going. A cop and a worse than my truck truck are neck and neck at the light in front of me. The truck didn’t go when the light turned green and the cop sat and watched them and then used his PA to let the truck know the light was green to which he slammed on the gas and the mountain of junk in his bed shifted and some tumbled out so then the cops lights go on and he stops…

I finally got my smoothie but now I have to make it home.

Grandad

I don’t know why but today I wanted to go by my grandads grave site but it had been moved since the last time I was there. He was cremated so it was just a placard. I contacted the administration to get the new location and they informed me that it had been moved and they couldn’t disclose it to anyone except for approved by the head my my mom’s estate. So that’s great. In 1996 my grandmother passed away and her ashes sat in the hall closet for the next 7 years until my grandad passed away. I do feel bad I wasn’t there for him when he wasn’t well and fading but I only knew after the fact when my mom rubbed in my face he was calling for me hours before he died. The last time I ever saw him was when he and my mom were having one of their battles that required the police to hold them apart because he would have killed her. This time seemed sort of justified though. When my grandmother was young her sister became a nun and moved back to Italy. Before she left she gave my grandmother a prayer book. Obviously they were Catholic. My grandmother kept that book from the 1930 until the day she died. My grandad kept it and read from it every day and would treasure it above all else. The problem with this in my mom’s eyes was she being a southern Baptist apparently meant this Catholic prayer book was pure evil. On the day I was done here’s what I had walked in on. My grandad screaming stop stop stop in a crying raspy voice while stomping his feet in place and pulling his hair panicking and crying. Around my mom on the floor were pages from the prayer book as she was screaming at him that he was a sinner and he was going to hell for using that book while tearing page after page out of it and flinging it in the air and getting in his face. So happy fucking birthday to me right? I called 911 and then took the book from her with minimal force and just being intimidating gave it to my grandad and he dropped to his knees crying and pulling the pages into a pile. When the police showed up my mom told them I was abusing my grandfather and I showed them what I had filmed on my Nokia 6110 because I knew I’d need proof of elderly abuse. Because of this my grandad got put into a retirement home but my mom put me on the not welcome list because she was still his caretaker some how. Years later he passed away and I was told after the fact but I could at least go visit his spot with his name and my grandmothers name side by side finally. Then years later I find out my mom had passed away and I wasn’t allowed to know where her grave was which was fine but I really wish I could have seen my grandparents name on that iron plate one more time.

Just take the iPad out of your bag.

I decided to bring my range headphones because they have the noise cancelation stuff in them. I also have TSA Precheck. One of the drones that wander around yelling laptops stay in the bag unless you have more than one. Side story; the agent yelling about laptops was asked “what if you have a laptop and an iPad”.. He was told if you have more than one computer take it out of your bag. He asked two more times and was given the same answer each time. I barked JUST TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR BAG. The guy looks at me and says but it’s not a computer. I asked him if the xray can tell the difference between one thin device with a screen, batteries and a bunch of little technology it it? He says but it’s not a computer. So he got held with 3 kids for additional bag searching.. ANYWAYS MAIN STORY; The same TSA geek that was going on about 2 computers was behind the xray thing when I went thru and my range headphones and phone and passport came out on the belt and he goes arent those.. I said yeah and picked them up. He says you’d don’t have a…. I say nope. One of the kids with the guy getting screened starts losing his shit because he wants his iPad. I put on my big ass headphones and smile. TSA guy gives me a thumbs up.