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Here’s the scoop, buddy. A traditional woman does not spend her time in the office when she can be at home taking care of her man. I quit.

Jesus H. You’re a bright kid but you sure like to wear an asshole’s costume every once in a while. It means that the future leaders of your country, I say your ‘cause I’ll have long decomposed, are gonna be people that have absolutely no experience with actual confrontation. Thirty years from now the President of the most powerful country in the world is going to be some little shit who sat at his computer and hurled insults three feet away from his mommy’s tit like it was no big deal. I don’t condone fighting, but when a human being understands that his or her actions might result in a giant fist up his or her ass, he or she learns a thing or two about acting before they speak. All I’m saying is, I’m glad I’m going to be dead. Also, happy birthday. That’s why I called.